15 Common Parenting Mistakes To Avoid

Being a parent is something that almost every human being is biologically capable of, yet raising children properly has to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. While it is a process of trial and error, the consequences of poor parenting throughout a child’s formative years is more severe than you might think. 

Some of the common parenting mistakes are scolding your child now and then, overindulging, comparing your kid with others, negatively labeling your kid, unrealistic expectations, etc. Every parent should try to avoid such mistakes at all costs to make sure that their beloved child has a bright future.

Every new parent should know about common parenting mistakes. These mistakes are common because couples who are new to parenting are more likely to make them. Also knowing the effects of bad parenting can lead to the making of better parents. So, without further ado, let’s go.

15 Parenting Mistakes To Avoid At All Costs

There are countless common parenting mistakes. But not all of them are equal in severity. Also, not all of them are equally common. Every couple should consider their mindset before deciding to have a kid. Here are 15 very common parenting mistakes that every parent should try to avoid:

1. Downplaying Your Kids’ Emotions

Parents often forget that kids have emotions. Every living being has emotions even if they can’t show them. Different individuals express emotions in different ways. Human beings can’t express all types of emotions until reaching a certain age. Kids only cry and laugh, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have other emotions like anger, disappointment, etc.

As they grow up, we often forget that they are not kids anymore. They now have all sorts of emotions and they are now able to express those emotions. Parents often downplay their kids’ emotions from time to time which emotionally hurts children. This emotional damage might seem trivial seemingly, but it plays a long-term role in the kid’s emotional health.

Minimizing your kids’ emotions can come in many forms. You won’t have to necessarily scold or physically abuse your kid. Insulting your kids in front of strangers or in public places, disregarding their demands, and forcing them into something they don’t want (like forcing them to wear a dress, admitting them to a school they don’t like, etc.) are also other forms of emotional abuse. These are common parenting mistakes.

2. Overindulging Your Children

Parents love their children more than anything else in the world. They fulfill all of their demands as best as they can. Indulgence is necessary to let your kid’s personality grow as they become older. Not for kids only, indulgence is important for people of all ages to enjoy a better life.

However, overindulgence can be pretty bad for your kids. When kids get whatever they want without giving anything in return, it affects their skill development as well as other mental traits such as self-discipline, self-control, etc. Kids that grow up with excessive indulgence often become rageful and devoid of judgment.

The best alternative to overindulgence is to let your kids know that they get anything they want, but they have to work for it. Kids have to realize from an early age that nothing is free in this world. Although they can’t pay with money since they are kids, they need to learn that they must give something back to their parents if they want their favorite toy.

It can be finishing homework in time or cleaning their room, mowing the lawn, etc. If parents can set clear rules for their kids’ demands, it can shape a better future for their children.

3. Expecting Too Much From Your Kids

Not every child is born the same. A person’s height, weight, overall growth, intelligence, athleticism, etc. are more or less dictated by his genetics. How far a kid will excel in life is pretty much fixed by genetics from his birth. The rest depends on the environment the child grows up in, the facilities he gets, and the people around him.

So, pushing your kid too much to achieve unrealistic things can be a great burden on him. For you, the goal might seem achievable but for the child, it’s a far cry. If you see kids around you, maybe your colleagues’ children or your relatives’ kids are excelling in many sectors but your kid is lagging. It’s normal to be disappointed but don’t unleash that disappointment on your kid.

It can ruin his childhood and mentally traumatize him. Not only that, but it can also hamper his day-to-day activities and stop him from achieving things that he was supposed to. If you expect too much from your kid, he might carry the regret of disappointing his parents for the rest of his life. 

4. Using Other Kids As An example

As your kids grow up, he starts to socialize with people. He starts to go to preschool, school, college, etc. Many kids start to participate in sporting activities like basketball, swimming, etc. Taking part in social activities, cultural activities, etc. is also very common. The thing is that in all of these, there will be other kids who might surpass your child in performance.

Your kid’s activities might pale in comparison to other kids’ performances, and that’s okay. As a parent, you have to accept that there are other kids out there who might be better than your child in various aspects. On the contrary, your kid may have the ability to transcend all the other kids in the right sector.

You have to accept that everyone is talented but in different domains. Your kid failing in one sport doesn’t mean he will in all the others. Just be patient and let your kid do what he is doing. Never make an example of other kids. Remember that your kid is not a product; he is not here to generate revenues. Let him be himself and see where life takes him.

5. Trivialize Your Kid’s Opinions

One of the worst things that parents can do is disregard their children’s opinions. Yes, you can’t take their opinions when they are just kids. But as they grow up, you should pay heed to what they have to say from time to time. Whether you are making a plan for a vacation trip or planning to buy a new car; you should ask your kids what they have to say.

Asking for opinions doesn’t necessarily mean you will have to make decisions solely based on their opinions. You, as the parents, still are the head of the family. You are more discreet and responsible than your children. They are not mature enough to make decisions that are better for everyone. The parents still have the upper hand.

But asking for your kid’s opinions means that you value what they think and what they want. It’s a great way to teach your kids to get familiar with democracy practice. Also, they learn to value others’ opinions as they grow up. Undermining their opinions can have the opposite effect.

When they grow up, they’ll fail to respect others’ opinions and perspectives on various things. This attitude shall hamper their social growth and can also affect their conjugal life.

6. Failing To Lead By Example

Kids take their parents as their role models. The parents are the only adults they watch as they grow up from infancy to preteen. And one thing all parents should remember is that children like to imitate. They copy what they see around them. As a parent is the only adult they see in the initial growing stage, parents should be very cautious.

Any unusual behavior and activities shall dig deep into your child’s mind. Your kid is highly likely to acquire that unusual behavior in the future and it will continue like a vicious cycle. Remember that you are not only raising your children, you are also raising the parents of your grandchildren. So, anything your kid learns from you is likely to be implemented in your future generation.

So, one of the best parenting practices is to lead by example. Do what you want your children to do. If you want them to clean their rooms, clean your room first. As I have already mentioned, kids like to imitate. Also, it’s easy to train children at an early age. If you fail to lead by example, your children may carry the consequences of that failure for the rest of their lives.

7. Letting Kids Be Succumbed By Technology

A most common parenting mistake that parents nowadays should worry about is the abundance of technology around. It wasn’t a thing even 20 years ago; kids born around that time or before weren’t addicted to technology so they could lead a relatively normal childhood.

But nowadays, kids can get their hands on smartphones, the internet, and gaming consoles pretty easily as these things have become a part and parcel of our lives. Besides the many conveniences these pieces of technology offer, there are quite a few downsides. Adults are mature enough to know those downsides and subside them.

But kids are not. They can easily get addicted to a smartphone or video games that might hamper their daily lifestyle. They can quickly get access to content on the internet which can lead them to more dire dangers. Also, in this era of social media one of the most common dangers is scamming. There are various types of scams and most of the time kids are the victims.

The bottom line is that technology is helpful but letting technology overwhelm your kid’s life can have the opposite effect. Also, as kids spend most of their time with their mothers, the mothers mainly have to prevent technology from taking over their kids’ life.

8. Projecting Your Goals On Them

All the parents were children themselves at some point. There are many things that you wanted to achieve as a child but could not due to many circumstances. There are lots of things you wanted to accomplish as a child but were unable to do so for a variety of reasons.  Projecting unfulfilled goals onto children and pressuring them to do so is a terrible parenting mistake that many parents commit frequently.

It can mentally traumatize your children. You have to realize that you and your kids are different individuals. Your likings can be different, and your perspective of life can be different along with many other things. Pushing your child to do things you couldn’t as a child is one of the worst things you can do to your child.

Many parents do this and the result is dreadful. Their kids fail in multiple aspects; they fail in sectors that were otherwise achievable for them due to the constant pressure their parents are putting on them. Making decisions on your children’s behalf and telling them what to do is okay but to a certain extent; once you cross that line as parents, the outcome is not pleasant.

9. One-size-fits-all Approach

As I have already mentioned, every individual is different. You and your kids are not the same, and not all of your kids are the same either. Some kids are moody, some are jolly, some have anger issues, some are emotional, some are gullible, etc. Just because of being born from the same parents doesn’t mean all of your kids will have the same mentality.

So, you shouldn’t treat all of your kids the same. First, try to understand their mindset. Some kids are too emotional and can’t handle scolding while some kids are emotionally strong and can easily handle criticism. Some are lazy, some are active, some are innovative, etc. You have to treat each of your kids depending on their mindset.

A one-size-fits-all approach is a bad idea if you have more than one kid because as I have already mentioned, not all kids are the same. Such an approach can shape one kid’s future while destroying another’s future. If you push your athletic kid to be a lawyer and innovative kid to be a school teacher, you can’t expect much from them.

As parents, your first and foremost job is to read your kids. Try to understand how they think, what makes them happy, what makes them sad etc. It’s not an easy job if you have two or three children, but it is what it is.

10. Treating Same At Different Age

As a kid grows from infancy to adulthood, everything changes. Their thought process, behavior, demand, cravings, expectations, perspective, etc. everything takes a new form. You can scold your child in front of others and may get away with it, but once he grows up into a teenager, you cannot expect the same.

It’s easy to shape a person’s personality when he’s a kid. You can train him to be an athlete, a doctor, or something else. It’s easy to teach kids manners, behaviors, and social skills when they are still young. It’s much more difficult to teach them when they become adults. You can speak to your son or daughter in the same tone when they’ve grown up.

You can dominate your kid when they are young but if you do that in their adulthood, they will rebel. You have to accept that your kid is not a kid anymore. You should change your behavior towards them accordingly. Treating your children in the same manner at different ages can result in a troublesome relationship between children’s parents. It can also cause trouble in their future life when they fully grow up.

11. Failure To Set Boundaries

‘Friend’ and ‘friendly’ are not the same thing. As parents, you should be friendly with your children but in no way that you are their friend. They must know that you are the boss and they should abide by the rules you have set.

It’s okay to be flexible, like when you tell your kid to return home before 6 in the evening but he is half an hour late; talking to him calmly instead of scolding him is way better. But from time to time, you have to show him that you are his parents and he should listen to you all the time. If coming home late becomes a frequent practice, you can think of grounding him.

Remember that it’s not for punishment, it’s for setting up parent-children boundaries. In this way, he will learn to listen to you and respect you. However, one thing you should always keep in mind is that you should set up the boundary between you and your kid at an early age.

Once he grows up, it can be difficult. Giving in to your kid’s wish is okay sometimes; but once it becomes the norm in your family, a power struggle can brew up between parents and children which can ultimately turn bitter.

12. Punishing Your Kids Too Often

Punishment is necessary to raise your kids properly. However, you should also know that punishments also have quite a lot of negative effects and most of them are on the child’s mind. Punishing your children too often can affect their child-parent relationship. They will grow up scared of you and picture you as a despotic figure. Making this one of the most common parenting mistakes.

As it continues, the distance between you and your kid shall increase. Eventually, you two will no longer see each other. Abusive parents often end up alone in the later stage of their lives. Being abusive toward your children can also get you in legal trouble. It can destroy your relationship with your partner as well.

Harsh punishment can hamper their mental growth and kids who go through this type of abusive childhood end up being aggressive and hostile. The bottom line is that using punishment too often is harmful to both you and your kid.

Always remember that punishment should be a form of teaching. The purpose of it is to show your kids their mistakes and make sure they remember them. Punishment should never be a way of unleashing your anger. Regardless of your children’s age, they will remember it and the relationship between you and your children won’t be the same.

13. Continuously Saving Them From Trouble

Kids get into trouble all the time. And parents step in to save them. Kids are helpless, immature, and indiscreet. They like to explore everything because everything is new to them. Doing so they often get caught in trouble. As parents, it’s your duty to save them because if not you, who else then? This practice is okay until a certain age.

Kids have to learn how to cope in this unforgiving world. Getting into trouble is okay but learning how to get out of it is crucial because you won’t be there to save your kids all the time. Also, learning how to avoid trouble is better than learning how to get out of trouble. Every child learns this social skill naturally as they grow up.

If you continuously save your kids from unfavorable situations, they won’t develop this very important natural skill. And this being so hard not to do makes this another of the most common parenting mistakes. It’s not only important for his social life, but also in every aspect of his entire life. Let your kids learn from mistakes. Yes, when things go too south, you are always there to intervene. But before that, let your kids save themselves from their troubles.

14. Labeling Your Kid As Someone Negative

Comparing your kids with other kids or someone else can affect their minds and change the way they look at themselves. Also, if you constantly do this, it will change their outlook towards you. However, one thing that’s worse than comparing your kids with someone else is labeling them as the bad guy.

Yes, kids are vandals and sometimes it becomes too difficult to convince them. There are many ways to keep them in line. And as parents, we often lose our temper and say things that we shouldn’t. But labeling them as bad people, saying that they will never prosper in life and they will forever be a failure is the worst thing you can say to your children.

You may not realize it but it is as bad as it can get. Just ask someone who has been through such a childhood and you will know how it can affect a child’s mind. Children take things literally and if you call him a failure or disappointment, he is likely to carry it for the rest of his life. Say whatever you want to say to your kid, but don’t make a statement that’s difficult for him to get over throughout his entire life.

15. Not Letting Your Kid Take Charge

Kids are the future. Today’s children are tomorrow’s parents, teachers, lawyers, doctors, politicians, and many more. They have to learn necessary social skills like leadership, problem-solving, interactions, etc. as they grow up. The learning process begins in childhood. The parent has to make sure that they are learning these things properly and on time.

As your kid grows up, you have to let him take charge from time to time. Let him choose his clothes, or ask him to decide your family’s next vacation location. Maybe let him choose the color of the car you are getting for your family. These little things will help him grow his confidence and he will develop leadership and decision-making skills.

If you don’t let your kid take charge at the right time, it will be difficult for him to develop such social skills later in life. He will fall behind in various sectors of life from his contemporaries. He may not be an utter failure in life, but he will surely achieve way less than he could if you let him take charge.

Effects Of Bad Parenting On Children

There are dire effects of bad parenting and most parents are not aware of them. Here is how parenting the common parenting mistakes can affect your child’s future life:

Negative self-perception

Continuous negative labeling can develop negative self-perception in a child’s life. When such behavior from parents becomes consistent, children start to accept and embody these negative messages from their parents. They start treating themselves as their parents did; prolonging negative feelings and overly self-criticism.

Rebellion

Kids who are subjected to strict parenting are likely to develop rebellious nature, and it’s not a good thing. Such kids fight with their parents, vandalize household staff, are willing to break rules, and possess many other negative traits.

Control issues

Self-control is a crucial quality that every human should possess. But children who undergo strict discipline in their childhood can have a hard time achieving this important trait. They can have issues with others’ control and develop a negative mindset toward this world along with other negative behaviors.

Emotional issues

Some of the mentioned common parenting mistakes can cause children to face emotional troubles. Strict parent includes but is not limited to physical threat, physical abuse, verbal threats, yelling, hitting, immediate punishment, etc. If a child is subjected to such behaviors frequently, he can become aggressive as he grows up along with other emotional and behavioral problems.

Conclusion

Being a parent is undoubtedly one of the most difficult yet gratifying experiences. While it’s common to make mistakes as a parent, some the most common parenting mistakes can have a permanent negative impact on both affect both your and your kid’s life. 

I believe that your experience as a parent will be much better if you can avoid the parenting mistakes that I have covered in this article. Thanks for stopping by!